I don’t think I’ve ever spotlighted suits here, probably because it wouldn’t suit me. That is probably why the guy in today’s subject looks so surprised at our sudden presence. It seems like he is trying to come up with an explanation for being caught fondling a bishop. But, honestly, I’m not judging. Not yet, at least. ¹

I do give him some points for using a rather elegant set. Although it doesn’t quite measure up to the Staunton or barleycorn pieces, I’m pretty sure it can be used in all seasons — contrary to the suit he’s advertising. Yes, they claim it is all season, but in small letters it says that it can be used in all but the hottest and the coldest month. In other words: you’d need two other ones anyway. Wouldn’t it be better to have just two, which each can be used in six months?

But onto the position.²

I’m not a hundred percent confident in my reconstruction, but it really seems like black is missing his king. It also seems like both sides have been making some extraordinary moves. In particular, white’s dark-squared bishop’s disappearance seems very puzzling.

But perhaps the suspicious man next to the board has absconded with that and the black king, too. I think I’m ready to judge him now.

Realism: 0/5 Okay, maybe one of these pieces is actually a black king, but even then it barely deserves half a point. The only way to get this position is by thinking hard and working together.³

Probable winner: Nobody. Black can’t win because he’s a billion pieces down, white can’t win because there’s no king to checkmate.

<sup>1. [The little boy on the pedestal behind clearly has no such reservations.] ↩
2. [Or, more precisely, ‘no’ to the position.] ↩
3. [That’s normally a pandemic strategy, not a chess one..] ↩</sup>