Yadda yadda detective yadda yadda Lewis. Look, we don’t have time for this. There’s far too much to talk about here, because one of the main characters in this episode is very into chess. In fact, during the opening credits, she can be seen giving a clock simultaneous exhibition. The first board we see her at, we don’t get a very good shot.1 In a different post, I might talk about it, but here we have better things to consider.
Like the second board we see her at. She’s playing black — on all boards, in fact — and her opponent is doing miserably:2
There’s perhaps one or two pieces a square more to the left or to the right — although I don’t really think so — but the essence is clear: white has hardly any pieces left and soon he will have even fewer. Black plays d4, which casts serious doubts on her chess skills. Or perhaps she’s just toying with her opponent. The two light-squared bishops also point in that direction.
We don’t get a very good view of the third board, but the fourth is one for the books. Books like the necronomicon:
See? Clearly a work of black magic.3
After that, the fourth board is a breath of fresh air. The pieces are in logical places!
Individually, that is, not a a connected whole. We also get an idea for how this woman is getting such good positions: her opponent plays Rh4 which is literally the worst move in the position, since white couldn’t even get rid of his queen if he wanted to.
Now the simultaneous exhibition gets interrupted by the credits. But the horror isn’t over yet. A good twenty minutes later, the same lady is in her studio late at night. She claims that she had left Spassky–Fischer, 1972 set up on the board with black to move but that someone unknown to her had made a move. But sadly this…
…is not from any Spassky–Fischer, 1972 game I’m aware of. And if black has really made his move here, he messed up, since white is simply a piece up now. If it’s black to move, the position is about equal and perhaps, maybe, not even completely ridiculous.
Then we learn that our lady friend also plays online! And she ain’t doing half bad either. But that’s probably again mostly due to her opponent’s poor chess skills. Look what he, with white, has gotten into:
It’s not just white has somehow misplaced a rook and a knight — it also looks like he played the Bird, so he’s clearly beyond redemption. Apparently, white has just played Ra1. A wholly unaccountable move, but what’s even stranger is that black’s computer quite literally tells her this! She plays the very normal and reasonable d5. However, white’s computer, which is also talking to him, executes the right move but calls it e5 instead. Is this why white’s been doing so badly? Is he listening to his computer instead of looking at it?
He should learn not to listen.
Realism: 0/5 No, I’m not going to give any points to anything involving that ridiculous position with the all blacks.4
Probable winner: Clearly black, except in the penultimate one where he has apparently just given up a piece.
1. [It’s really bottom-shelf liquor.] ↩
2. [She didn’t use this diagram editor.] ↩
3. [The same caveat as for the first diagram still applies and is still irrelevant.] ↩
4. [Like this ridiculous position with the all blacks.] ↩
